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Watching your child begin their college career can be a stressful experience for parents, especially if they haven’t lived away from home before. During this important time of transition for the family, 许多家长在帮助孩子为大学生活做准备时，会把自己的感受和反应放在一边. 关注自己的情感需求, 然而, 还有你的孩子，这会让每个人都对上大学所代表的挑战感到舒适.
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我们的青少年在高中的最后一年充满了大学入学的任务，很容易失去对他们“靠自己”取得成功所需的性格特征和生活技能的关注。. 他们即将步入成年, which means that we will be releasing them into responsibility for their own lives. 释放意味着信任，而不是控制. 我们必须相信上帝，相信我们的孩子. At this time, it is important to mentally prepare ourselves now for that transition.
能够顺利过渡到大学生活的负责任的成年人有哪些特点? According to Dave Veerman, in “Letting Them Go”, responsible adults:
- 做出慎重考虑的决定
- 遵循道德准则
- 为他们的行为负责
- 为他人着想
- 帮助有需要的人
- 说真话，活真话
- 自己付账
- 明智地投资他们的资源
- Take good care of what has been entrusted to them
- 活在当下，放眼未来
If we review this list and detect some growth areas for our teens, t在这里 is much we can do in these last months before they spread their wings. 然而, to instill skills, you must first model them. 例如，帮助你和你的孩子成长的一个伟大的项目是一起背诵经文. God’s Word is clear about the power of this practice (Psalm 118:11; 2 Timothy 3:16; Hebrews 4:12). 为了完成这个项目, 你需要首先以身作则，然后让他们在你的指导和鼓励下和你一起完成任务. Finally, you can turn this project and others over to them fully and affirm their successes.
当我们为孩子的独立做准备时，我们必须记住一些注意事项:在这种转变发生时，承认我们所经历的所有情绪是很重要的，与他们分享我们的感受也是一个好主意. 然而, 我们必须小心地平衡分享悲伤和恐惧与分享快乐之间的关系, 兴奋, 相信上帝. We must take care not to turn our dreams for our child into burdensome pressure. God’s plans for their lives may not be what we had in mind. College is an amazing process of honing and even discovering one’s own talents, 礼物, 能力, 和潜在的, so we keep an open mind and heart if we want to facilitate that process in a healthy way.
时间过得真快. As parents, we sometimes feel as though we are not ready for this leap.
我们再怎么强调对神的信心和对他信实的信靠对这个过程的重要性都不为过. Take some time to look back and remember the miracles in your life with your child! 记住上帝的指引, 安慰, 领先的, and assurance that accompanied the hills and valleys of parenting.
当你的孩子加入PBA旗鱼家庭时，这应该会产生感激和喜悦，为他们提供一个完美的跳板!
认识到, 矛盾的感觉 关于你孩子离家出走的事 正常的. For many families, this process of separation is difficult. 这很正常, 太, 期待有一个相对平和和安静的环境，让你活跃的青春期的孩子离开家，拥有自己的空间, or being able to spend time with your younger children.
允许自己去感受 无论出现什么情绪. T在这里 is little benefit in pretending that you don’t feel sad, 有罪, 松了一口气, or apprehensive when your child is getting ready to attend college. You probably aren’t fooling anyone by trying to hide your reactions; a healthier approach is to talk about them, 和你的家人, 朋友, church or whomever is a source of support for you.
“全面健康” 给自己的目标. 尤其是在压力大的时候, 它有助于获得充足的睡眠, eat healthful meals regularly and get adequate exercise. 花一些时间充电——做你特别喜欢的事情——是迈向健康的另一步. 如果你感觉很好, you are more likely to have the energy to help your child and be a good role model.
记住,, 为了你的孩子, coming to college is a tremendously important developmental step toward full adulthood. 上大学代表了18年或更长时间的教学和学习的高潮. 这个时候，你的努力将以框架的形式表现出来，你的一年级学生将在开始做出独立选择时使用它. 许多父母发现，把注意力集中在这样一个事实上是有帮助的:给你的孩子提供这样的机会是一份无价之宝. 为自己感到骄傲!
为自己找到一个新的创造性的出口. 尤其是那些独生子女离家上大学的父母，他们发现接受新的挑战是管理和引导他们的精力和感情的好方法. 你曾经想过写一本书吗? 学会飞鱼? 做被子? 在你的社区做志愿者? 在工作中承担新的项目或责任. 旅行? 买辆你自己的自行车，骑着它满城跑? Make a list of all the things you intended to do while your child was growing up, 但一直没时间去做. 现在是你的机会!
很难预测最后一天是什么 欢迎周 看起来像. Some students are chomping at the bit to begin their new life, 让他们的父母感到自信. Other students struggle with the idea of separation, often complicating matters by not articulating their feelings. 他们可能显得易怒和闷闷不乐, 但经常发生的是，他们很难接受新环境，放弃熟悉的环境.
T在这里 is lots of activity to keep everyone busy during 欢迎周, but that moment of goodbye sneaks up pretty quickly. 我们怎样才能充分利用这最后的时刻呢?
One of the most important purposes in this moment of release is to pass on our blessing. Our blessing lets our students know that we accept and love them, just as they are; that they are special to us in their own unique way, and that we are confident in God’s future for them.
This is not the time to focus on changing or growing specific behaviors. 相反，这是一个承认内在的时间:性格、价值观和生活方向.
A wonderful resource to utilize in planning specific ways to accomplish this is the book, 约翰·特伦特和加里·斯莫利的《拼搏体育》 (田纳西州纳什维尔:托马斯·纳尔逊出版社，1986年). They teach us how to communicate our blessing through “Meaningful Touch, 口语词汇, 高价值的信息, 特别未来的愿景和积极的承诺. “我们的祝福应该包括所有的五种元素.
Our student’s greatest need in those moments of goodbye is an affirmation, especially as they look ahead to the unknown future. 我们真诚和诚实地肯定他们是谁，这对他们成功过渡有很大帮助.
我们应该告诉他们我们的赞成, 说我们有多骄傲, 向他们保证我们的爱, and share our hope and confidence in the direction that their life is taking. It can be difficult for some of us to verbalize these things, 所以你可以自由地以书面形式与他们交流. A good way to do this is to give a special card for them to read just before you leave. 当你帮他们打开行李时，你甚至可以在他们的物品里塞一些小贺卡或卡片. 你永远不知道他们是否会在他们真正需要鼓励的时候看到这些信息.
一些家长刚刚和他们的学生一起经历了艰难的时期，这个过程可能会很困难. 然而, consider every positive, good quality your student has and build on that. I cannot stress enough how important this act is. 这对我们家长和学生来说意义重大，甚至可能是你们关系的转折点.
以下是一些让这一天难忘的具体方法:
- A special lunch or dinner in an area restaurant for just you and your student. 点击 在这里 餐厅推荐.
- A photo album that chronicles your student’s journey into adulthood, 传达你的祝福, 追溯神在他们生命中的参与, or weaves special Scriptures within the pictures, 等.
- 在他们的房间里藏着特别的纸条或零食
- 在你离开之前和你的学生一起祈祷，或者在前一天晚上或那天的某个时候一起进行一次特别的“祈祷散步”
- Framing a new family picture and presenting it when you are saying, “goodbye”
- 建立一个你每次访问校园都会重复的传统:一个独特的餐厅, 特别的小吃, 等.
- 参加祈祷音乐会活动期间 欢迎周, 你会在哪里与其他家长一起祷告，并写笔记，在学期开始的几周内交给你的学生
注意:记住, 个人心理咨询 如果你的学生在与家庭和大学生活的分离中继续在情感上挣扎，你能提供什么帮助.
Of course, you are still a parent, and your child still needs your support and guidance. Here are some ways you can express your caring and enhance your child’s experience at PBA.
保持联系! Even though your child is experimenting with independent choices, 他或她仍然需要知道你在那里，可以谈论正常的事情和困难的问题. 在每学年之前做好安排, 同意你的孩子, 写, 在约定的时间发送电子邮件或打电话.
让空间 for your college student to set the agenda for some of your conversations and interactions. 对于一些大学生来说，想要与父母少接触甚至是正常的，也是适合他们发展的. 一些学生选择他们最重要的关系是与同龄人和/或重要的教师. 这是获得个人身份和自主权的重要组成部分，可以帮助大学生能够与你建立联系.
是现实的 with your college student about financial matters. Most students come to school with a fairly detailed plan about how tuition, 费用, 书, 住宿费和伙食费由我们支付, and what the family’s expectations are about spending money. Being specific at the outset may help avoid misunderstandings later.
支持 学习成绩和成绩. PBA seeks to attract bright students from all over the world, 并不是每个在高中学习成绩优异的一年级学生都能成为全优生. 发展或完善独立、持续工作的能力，并展示自己的精通程度，可能比成绩更重要, as long as your student meets the basic academic requirements set out by PBA.
If your child does experience difficulties at PBA, encourage taking advantage of the wealth of resources available for students. 我们的学生成功中心是一个一站式的目的地，大多数学生的问题，包括学术, 职业和咨询需求. 我们的校园牧师，还是 健康中心 may also be appropriate places to suggest to your student.
